Well, my ego got quite a come-uppance the other night while I was talking with a friend.  All day I had been mulling over what I would charge for the hypnotherapy courses I am offering online.  I brought this up to my friend, and then proceeded to give a questioning dissertation on “why” would this be a good price, or “why” would that be a good price, etc., etc., etc., etc.  I even asked once or twice, “Why am I having such a hard time coming up with the right amount?”

Paralysis of Analysis

My friend piped in with, “Do you know how many times you have used the word “why” over the last few minutes?”  I was immediately reminded of the challenge I give all students of hypnotherapy to omit the word “why” from their vocabulary because this word 1) moves us into the analytical mode which is not conducive to hypnotherapy, and 2) moves us away from our intuitive mode or subconscious mind where answers can be accessed much more effortlessly.

This jarred me out of the analysis mode and brought to mind the saying I have heard, “  Teachers teach what they need to learn.”   This brought me to laughter.  Amidst the laughter, I came up with the figure I knew was the right price.  When I went back to the computer, I was amazed to see this price written down on a piece of paper next to the computer.  It was the first price that had come to my mind that morning.

So, a note to my ego:  I don’t think that my long drawn-out exercise in analysis was proof of my intelligence.  Rather, I think it was more proof of the futility of over-analyzing; the paralysis of analysis.

When we were born, we had not yet formed the critical factor, the part of our conscious mind that allows us to reason, discern, and filter out what isn’t logical. We don’t start to develop it until we are about 6 years old, and it is not fully developed until adolescence. Prior to this development, we take everything in as if it is absolute fact. If a parent is impatient with us, we cannot reason that this is because they are stressed about something that has nothing to do with us. We take it very personally and form a core belief that there is something wrong with us. If we share an opinion and get ridiculed for it, we form the core belief that it isn’t safe to speak freely.

Our parents’ modeling also helps form some of our core beliefs. My parents modeled that it was very very very hard to get anywhere in life. They modeled that it was important to have a good work ethic, to work very hard; but they also believed that no matter how hard you worked, you could just get so far. Their motto seemed to be, “Persevere with the status quo.” Hence, as I discovered in my previous post, The Big Dig, I seem to act on that core belief by working very hard, but when I begin to get close to moving beyond the status quo, procrastination rears its ugly head.

So how do we change these core beliefs? Like an apple, the core is beneath the surface. Since core beliefs reside in our subconscious minds, we need to do “inner” subconscious work in order to bring them to conscious awareness. We work through this on the subconscious level in order to shift from the “lie” of the core belief into the “truth.” You see, if a core belief is negative and doesn’t serve our best interest, we can guarantee that it is a lie. For example, a core belief that surfaced while I was in hypnotherapy training 20 years ago was “I don’t matter. I’m not good enough.” Without even knowing I had this core belief, I can look back and see how I was working very hard to prove to everyone what a great person I was and how good I was at everything I did. But you see, no matter how many people complimented me, it was never enough, because I had the core belief that I wasn’t quite good enough. Once I had the hypnotherapy session that allowed this core belief to surface, I was able to shift (on a subconscious level) to the truth, and the truth is that I matter very much, and I am perfect just the way I am. (Not to mention that I have many great traits, and I am very good at many, many things.)

So now, I think I will bypass the procrastination and go work on the website.

Note to self:  Schedule time for more frequent blogs.

So here I sit, wondering what to write.  It is usually quite peaceful with my window open and the sound of nature drifting in.  On this day, however, I hear the sounds of BIG equipment moving dirt back into the trenches that had been dug in order to replace the water pipes.  The sound of the machinery is distracting enough, but the beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep when they back up is downright irritating!  So how can I turn this into something to write about?  Hmmmmmm.

Well, for starters, let’s see what I can make of the metaphor of digging trenches to replace water pipes.  Water is certainly necessary for our physical well being, so I can at least be grateful for their preventive measures in replacing the old, old pipes.  So what in my life needs digging in order to be replaced?  Oh drats!  It took less than a nano-second for the thought to pop up into my consciousness!  Faulty core beliefs, of course!  But what are these faulty core beliefs?  If they were conscious (above ground) they would be easy to identify, but alas!  They are subconscious (underground), so here I sit, knowing I have faulty core beliefs without being conscious of what they are.  Guess I need to go digging!  (Since this is a personal journey, I don’t need a beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep to warn others that I’m going backward in time as I dig for the faulty belief.)

Since I don’t have a hypnotherapist (other than myself) readily available to me for this subconscious dig, I will do the digging through the OH-Cards. 

Here are the two cards I just drew.

Oh dear!  A calendar (my nemesis) with someone looking at their watch.  If I worked for someone else, I would say that was my boss with a not-quite-so-subliminal message to hurry up and get something done!  So……………  since I work for myself, it must be ME giving me a not-quite-so-subliminal message to hurry up and get something done!

Now what am I procrastinating about?  Drats!  Another nano-second response.  My web site, of course!  My web site designers have done their part.  It’s up to me now to get all the classes written up and the demonstrations video taped.  I only have three more classes in the hypnotherapy training course to complete.  Doesn’t sound like much, does it?  But you see the word WEARY that surrounds the picture?  Yep, that’s me, too.  But when I think about it, I am not weary of writing the classes.  I am weary of worrying about writing the classes.   That sounds downright ridiculous!  But wait!  Something is niggling up into my consciousness!  I think that I may have tapped into the faulty core belief.  The one that says that in order to be successful, it takes very very very very very very HARD work, and even then I might screw it up!   So with me being so close to getting the online courses up on the site, all of a sudden I begin dragging my feet, and then worrying about getting it done before family get-togethers in July.  Jeesh!!!!!  Formula for failure, don’t you think?  This is a core belief I wouldn’t mind saying goodbye to.

So how did I get it in the first place?  And how do I get rid of it?  I think I’ll save this for my next blog.

You see, the ideal image isn’t so ideal from our conscious mind’s perspective.  It’s only the subconscious mind that sees it as ideal, because the subconscious is always trying to mend the hurts from our past.  The problem with this attempt is that the subconscious is seeking someone who is very much like the one who hurt us in the first place.  For example, if we experienced abandonment as a child, we will be attracted to someone who will either abandon us physically or won’t be available to us emotionally.  It’s as if our subconscious is looking for someone who can represent Mom and Dad in an attempt to get it right this time.  It’s like we are still trying to get what we were needing from Mom and Dad.  We can be in a crowded room, and our subconscious can find that person who is deficient in the same way our parents were deficient in meeting our needs.

If this isn’t a recipe for disaster, I don’t know what is.

The subconscious mind, however, does not look at it as a disaster, because it doesn’t use logic or reasoning.  It is simply trying to overcome something that happened when we didn’t have the ability to figure out “why” it was happening.  We just felt the hurt from it.  Our subconscious mind is trying to solve this problem from the same level of thinking we were at when we experienced it.  So we created in our subconscious mind an ideal image of someone who also has traits that keep them from meeting the very needs that were unmet when we were children.  We don’t, however, recognize these traits.  We only recognize the positive ones.

Here is my heart.

It works like this:

I meet Mr. Wonderful.  The invisible projector screen comes down between us, and we both begin projecting our ideal image of the perfect mate onto each other.  I see only positive traits, and so does he.  As we are both projecting these positive traits onto each other, we are also both trying to meet each other’s projection.   “Oh!  At last!  My dream person!  Someone to love me for who I am!  Someone to fulfill my needs!  My Soul Mate!”

You're just like all the rest!

After a time, something begins to happen.  It’s as if the projector screen begins to evaporate.  We begin to move out of our projections, and the unpleasant parts of ourselves begin to emerge.  The magic of the relationship starts to disappear, and we begin to “see” those things we were so oblivious of when we met.  “What?  You want to work late instead of going out to dinner with me?  Aren’t you going to clean that up?  You want to watch THAT again on TV?”  Disillusionment starts setting in.

We then pull the projector screen down again, but this time we project our negative images onto each other.  All our fears, past disappointments and disillusionments are projected.   “You’re just like all the rest of them!  You’re never here when I need you!  I can’t believe I fell for that again!”  Now we are inflicting more wounds and scars onto each other.

Now comes the retreat.  The relationship loses its aliveness, and the excitement of being in love seems like a very distant memory.  One, or both of us, will start to withhold, withdraw, isolate, or leave the relationship.  Many of us are convinced we will never do this again!

Here we go again!

And then……………   wait!  Who’s that, way over there on the other side of the room?

Here we go again!

I’ve noticed that as we continue to do our “inner work” and begin meeting our own inner needs, our subconscious doesn’t have to seek them from outside of ourselves, and those that we meet begin to reflect our healthier ideal images.

As I look at the picture, it appears to be two people looking out the front window of a car.  There is a Yield sign ahead, clearly a road veering off to the right, a not-so-clear road ahead, and a rear view mirror with nothing reflected.  The picture is framed by the word SHAME. 

Whose shame is it, anyway?

What I know about shame is that it is always given to us by someone else’s disapproval of us.  Someone else gives it to us.  It’s not even ours.  Yet we continue to carry around someone else’s shame, as it continues to undermine our self-esteem.  Doesn’t seem quite fair, does it?

These cards seem to reinforce that as we move through life with someone else’s shame, we are yielding our right-of-way to them.

So where does the hypnosis come in?  Remember the rear-view mirror that isn’t reflecting anything?  Our conscious mind is not always aware of how the past is affecting our present.  By allowing our subconscious to present to us (in hypnosis) those who gave us this shame, we can metaphorically give it back to them.  Maybe even tell them, “Shame on you for shaming us!”  Give them the opportunity to do whatever they want to do with this shame,  EXCEPT they cannot give it back to us. 

Once we have gotten rid of the shame, we can ask our subconscious to replace it with something that is healthy for our self-esteem.  (The subconscious mind is very good at picking just the right replacement.)

To the conscious mind, this may sound weird, but to the subconscious mind, it is very real.  It is the subconscious mind that has carried it around all these years, and it is the subconscious mind that will let it go and replace it with something positive.

For those interested in the Oh-Cards, I purchased them from www.OH-cards.com

Well, I am fortunate enough to have a wise friend who knows that I often use OH Cards as a means of accessing the subconscious mind in order to work through problematic issues.  She encouraged me to use these cards as inspiration for my blogs.  I am following up on her suggestion with this blog.

These OH Cards consist of two decks of 88 cards each.  One deck is of paintings, and the other is a deck of words.

The way I use these cards is to randomly draw a card from each deck, and then place them together with the word card framing the picture card.  I then explore the meaning and relevance that these cards have to what is going on in my life.  I do this by allowing whatever comes to my mind, without censoring, and free associating from there, in hopes of gaining insight.

I will randomly pick two cards now and post the picture of them together so you can see what I am looking at as I write my thoughts that come to mind.

Hey! What about me?

My first response when I see the word ‘VICTIM’ is, “OH *&#^@%_*#!!!   (It never fails, I always seem to say “OH something or other” when I first see the cards I pick.  This time it was an expletive, and I have already disclosed that I won’t censor, so expletive it is.)  Now I am wondering why the word “victim” has reared its ugly head again in my life when I have worked so hard to eliminate any such feelings.  Surely I haven’t regressed back to my “before therapy” era.  Ok, moving on………….

Yep, someone is definitely moving on down the road, and I don’t see a steering wheel, so someone else is driving this bus.  The person is waving goodbye to someone outside, but not even looking at the person, just looking straight ahead.  (Probably wondering where in the heck this bus is going.)  I wonder who these people are?  Oops!  I think they are both ME!!  Uh oh!  Part of me is moving on down the road, not even knowing where I’m being driven, while the other part of me is holding my hand up saying, “Hey, what about me?”

So now, what does this have to do with what’s going on in my life right now?  Hmmmmm.  Well, I seem to be pretty focused on getting my hypnotherapy training web site up and running.  I have two very professional, knowledgeable people building the site, putting together a marketing package (including coaching me on implementing it), and video recording  me while I demonstrate the techniques being taught.  Part of me is very excited about it, while another part of me feels rather overwhelmed with all that I have to do before it’s ready.  Another thought that comes to mind is that part of me is so very grateful for these people who are going above and beyond what I ever expected them to do.  They have put hours and hours and hours and hours of time into this project, and it is very close to being finished.  I am amazed at how much they know and how they have put together such a professional site.  Another part of me feels very vulnerable because I have put out a lot of money on video equipment, am devoting a lot of time on writing the texts for the classes, etc., and precisely because I don’t yet know how to work with the site, I wouldn’t be able to move on if anything happened to them.

BINGO!   I think I hit on it.  I have been teaching hypnotherapy for 15 years, and I have been wanting to offer classes on-line for more than 5 years.  Now the dream is very close to becoming  a reality.  I can see it.  I can taste it.  I can feel it.  And now comes the old “victim” tape that says, “Maybe you can’t do this.  Maybe this is just a pipe-dream.  Maybe it’s too good to be true.”  Granted, they are only whispers now (notice I’m not looking outside the window at the victim), but whispers can still feed the old “what about me?” tapes.

Guess I’ll invite the “what about me” part to get on the bus and come along for the ride of a lifetime, the ride that proves dreams come true when we stay focused on them!

For those of you who are interested in the OH cards, I got them from Eos Interactive Cards.  Website:  www.OH-Cards.com Orderline 1-800-236-1683 (EST).  Email:  info@OH-Cards.com

Imagine a large yellow lemon, one that is very heavy for its size because it is very, very juicy. It is so full of juice that once the skin is broken, juice will come pouring out over the sides of the lemon. The juice of this lemon is extremely sour. Just imagine the lemon sliced in half, with the juice dripping over the sides. You might even want to imagine testing the sourness of this lemon by bringing it up to your mouth, and sinking your teeth down into the pulp of the lemon, bringing the sour juice into your mouth and allowing it to swish around your mouth for a few moments, fully tasting it before the extremely sour juice slides down your throat.

Notice how your mouth is responding to this suggestion. Is it producing saliva? Are you swallowing? Perhaps your mouth is even puckering up. This is what the body is designed to do when you introduce sour tastes into your mouth.

Do you find your body responding to a scary scene in a movie by holding your breath, tensing up, or experiencing “fear” feelings? How does your body respond when someone tells you about a painful experience, or gives an explicit description of vomiting?

But wait! What’s going on? There IS no lemon here. There IS no juice swishing around in your mouth. So why is your mouth responding? Why is the body reacting to a scary scene when you know the person is merely acting? Why does it respond to someone else’s pain? Why does it respond to someone else vomiting?

The body is a robot. It does what the mind tells it.

Perhaps you can remember an experience that was very uncomfortable for you. Maybe you had to speak in public. Maybe you had an argument with someone. Maybe someone betrayed you. Maybe you felt hurt or mad after someone’s behavior toward you. Bring the memory to your mind and notice how your body responds. Notice what you feel in your chest, your throat, your shoulders, or your stomach when you allow your mind to focus on this uncomfortable memory for a few moments. Notice any constriction in your body, areas that are tense.

Now perhaps you can remember a very pleasant memory. Maybe you experienced deep satisfaction after accomplishing a goal. Maybe you received praise for something you did well. Maybe someone was especially kind to you, or showed you love and affection. Maybe you experienced a peaceful moment in nature. Bring the pleasant memory to your mind and notice how your body responds. Notice what you feel in your chest, your throat, your shoulders, or your stomach when you allow your mind to focus on this pleasant memory for a few moments. Notice the relaxation in your body, any areas that are softer now.

The difference in the way your body responds to these memories is what occurs when you change your mind. When you change your mind, you change your body.

All the examples mentioned here are ways in which we hypnotize ourselves daily. (We are all very good hypnotists, with or without awareness of it, and with or without formal training).

Through hypnosis (either by oneself or with the help of a trained hypnotherapist), we can bring awareness to what the mind is telling the body, and change these messages, allowing the body to respond accordingly. We can alter the way in which the body experiences pain. We can discover the subconscious motivations of unwanted behaviors and change the way we are responding to old perceptions. We can change the “fat thermostat” (weight regulating mechanism) for weight control. We can change the body’s negative stress responses.

Since the body is like a robot that does what the mind tells it to do, the mind needs to change in order to achieve mind/body wellness. Change your mind; change your body.

 One example of an “inside job” that occurs in hypnotherapy is discovering and releasing old tapes (belief systems) that perpetuate low self-esteem, perhaps causing us to be afraid to speak in public, or perhaps keeping us from doing that which we want, or perhaps keeping us trapped in addictive behaviors.

Peace of mind is an inside job.

 Another “inside job” may be changing our bodies by changing our minds. The body is like a robot. It does what the mind tells it to do. Becoming aware of what the mind is telling the body, and changing these messages, can alter the way in which the body experiences pain. It can change the “fat thermostat” (weight regulating mechanism) for weight control. It can change the body’s negative stress responses. 

 Another “inside job” may occur in a past life regression, where one can gain perspective on difficult or painful situations; release prejudices; forgive self and others; release fear of death; clear phobias; clear repeating patterns of self-sabotage in regards to  relationships or prosperity, etc; review and release any contracts, promises, or agreements made with another; or meet a past life personality who embodies that which one desires and bring back this essence into the present.

 Another “inside job” (one of my favorites) is accessing and communicating with the Inner Guide, sometimes called Higher Self. The profound wisdom imparted in these dialogues never ceases to amaze me.

 Another “inside job” is allowing the subconscious to bring forth the interpretation of any dreams we have had. Since the subconscious has given the dream in its language of metaphor, what better place to go for its interpretation?

From the hypnotherapist’s perspective, it doesn’t really matter which (if any) of the above theories about past life regression is true or false. The client doesn’t even need to believe in reincarnation in order for the past life regression to be therapeutic. Since the subconscious is motivated toward our well being, it will lead us to the perfect solution. If that solution involves a past life regression, it is irrelevant whether or not that past life was actually experienced. What is relevant is that the subconscious is presenting the experience to the client now in an effort toward resolution of something in the client’s present situation.

If only the past would stay in the past.

I am reminded of a client who was having difficulty leaving a very physically and mentally abusive situation. Every time she determined to leave this abusive relationship, she experienced extreme anxiety and felt suicidal. When asked to go back to another time, maybe even the first time, when she felt these anxious and suicidal feelings, she regressed to a scene in which she was a man who had left his child alone in a thatched hut. When he returned, he found the hut had burned and the child was dead. In his agony and guilt, in the last moments before he committed suicide, he vowed that if he had it to do over again, he would never leave this child, no matter what.

Can you guess who this child is in the woman’s present life? Yes, the one she is currently with in the abusive relationship and cannot leave “no matter what.”

Through this past life regression the woman was able to release the guilt and break this “contract” she had made. Shortly after this session, she was able to free herself from the abusive relationship without the anxiety or suicidal feelings she had experienced in the past.

So was that a real past life she had lived? Who knows? And from a hypnotherapist’s perspective, it is unimportant.